Snappy answers

Courtesy of Munair Zacca

1. Thomas Reed vs. Henry Clay.       2. Winston Churchill vs. Lady Astor.       3. NYC Mayor Ed Koch vs. Andrew Kirtzman, after the reporter insisted on pressing a point about an inconsistent statement Koch had made.       4. Groucho Marx vs. A contestant on You Bet Your Life, after the contestant revealed that he was a father of 10.       5. Abraham Lincoln vs. Stephen Douglas, after Douglas called him two-faced during a debate.       6. Pierre Trudeau vs. Richard Nixon, upon hearing that Nixon had called him an asshole.         8. Oscar Wilde vs. Lewis Morris Morris had just been passed over for the Poet Laureateship.       9. Miriam Hopkins vs. An anonymous singer     10. James McNeill Whistler vs. Oscar Wilde, after Whistler had made a particularly witty observation.         11. Senator Fritz Hollings vs. Henry McMastor, when challenged by his Republican opponent during a televised debate to take a drug test.       12. Reverend Edward Everett Hale vs. The U.S. Senate, when asked if he prayed for the Senators.       13. Edna Ferber vs. Noel Coward: Coward was remarking upon the fact that Ferber was wearing a tailored suit.       14. Henry Clay vs. Massachusetts Senator Daniel Webster after seeing a pack of mules walk by.         15. Winston Churchill vs. A Member of Parliament.         16. Calvin Coolidge vs. Some random lady at a White House dinner.       17. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart vs. An admirer.